i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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