how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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