Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
