It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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