Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
