11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
