dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
