I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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