I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
