i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
