shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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