So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The ass gains better be worth it
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