A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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