Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
