you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
