I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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