I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
