Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
