Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
