Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
