Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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