someone threw a dead crab at me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
