my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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