You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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