I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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