genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I did not marry a roomba.
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