is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
