Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
