When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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