Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize