If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
