Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
