She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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