If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
