if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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