i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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