just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize