Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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