I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
