I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
