No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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