Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
