I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize