I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
