I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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