Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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