I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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