Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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