i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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