Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
