Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
