i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
