I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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