I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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