i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
