...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
