i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He better not be in your backpack
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
