as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
