when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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