Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
