Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dear god my vagina.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
