I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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