Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
