I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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