I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
