I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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