16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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