Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize