thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
