He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
