she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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