Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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