Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My liver just had a heart attack.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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