Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
