you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
