I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
