I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
