Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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