am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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