I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
