Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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