puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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