I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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