hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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