Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
