Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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