DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
