I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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