Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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