True but thats because hes a fetus.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
