My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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