Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
