It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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