I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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