We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i think my cat just said my name.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
